Up Late and Typing
by Evilmini86
Summary: Omi has just downed a ton of caffeine and Yoji can't stop quoting. What will Aya do with these morons once Ken comes downstairs crying about his long lost love! Trouble in paradise! Caped crusaders? WTF! A MUST READ!
1. Caffiene Tear Jerker

**Up Late and Typing**

Disclaimer: what is the point of disclaiming...like you really think I created these characters? It's called FAN FICTION!!!! Damn! Um....enjoy!

Note: If I slip into play format...please do not turn me in. Plays are a form of art and fiction too...plus I write better that way!

–click—click—click—click—

"OMFG! I am hyped up on caffeine at three in the morning and typing! I can't stop typing!" screamed Omi in his whisper voice, remembering the days back in preschool when his teacher always used to say...wait a sec...no he didn't remember...that must have been a pipe dream! Ha!

"What the hell is going on in here?! I am studying the art of being stoic and depressed at the same time. It's three in the fucking morning! Omi!" yelled Aya...holding a book...a BOOK!!!

"Um...typing! I am typing! I am researching the movements that my mind makes when I drink six grrrrrrande frrrrrrapiccinos!"

"From Starbucks?"

"From Starbucks."

"And at this 'Starbucks', Yoji randomly popped his head up from sleeping on the ugly couch in that one room with the big screen TV in it, "is there TP?"

"TP? What the fuck Yoji?! Are you high?"

"TP for my bunghole?"

"Shit he's quoting again! Someone quick! Get me the hose!" Aya yelled...again...gesturing in the air for assistance that he knew would not come.

"Ah, so you are the one who is he who is called 'I am'?" Yoji sat up and straightened his half-shirt and stared at his six-pack. "I am tight, yes? Tight like a tiger!"

"Jesus, Omi....stop him!"

-click-click-click-click-click-click-

"Wha! Hahahaha! What do you want me to do about it? I'm up to my ass in paypal bills. EBAY! EBAY! EBAY! The only thing to do now...is to sell! Yoji! Give me your sunglasses!"

"And if I give this to you...promise he will be okay!" Yoji quoted and tossed his sunglasses to Omi and pulled new ones out of his pocket.

"And let us set the starting bit at...one million dollars!!!"

Yoji & Omi: MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

"No! Shut up!" Aya screamed, "Ken! Get down here and shut them up!"

Ken slowly edged down the stares and rubbed his red, puffy eyes again. He had been crying over his lost love. No, not the girl with the protein drink disease or PDD...but Case. You know the whole 'why did you have to die?' routine?

"Yeah... sniff ...what do you want?"

"Um, shut them up for me. Use your claw."

"What would that do? My claw can't do half of what your katana can do."

"But it's all the way upstairs...I am not walking that far."

"You know good and well the only reason why that's my weapon of choice!"

"No, I don't actually. Interesting topic..."

Omi jumped up, "Story time!"

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"Well, it all started when I was on the soccer team and everyone wanted to do a huge group cosplay. So after a lot of talking, we decided on doing X-Men. So I was wolverine. I had them custom made."

"Or were you just cuuuuustom fitted?!" Yoji quoted Ludacris.

"Right...so that wiped out my account and it was the only weapon I could afford."

"Wow," Aya exclaimed, "I didn't realize you were that lame. I just used a katana because I was very well versed in kendo and the arts of swordsmanship."

"Wanna know my story???!!" Omi said while bouncing up and down on the ugly couch in that room with the big screen TV in it.

"Sure, Omi...ass..." Aya smiled.

"Ok! So there was this one time..."

"...at band camp..." Yoji quoted.

"No it wasn't band camp. It was poker camp. But anyway, I got mixed up with a bad crowd: the dart players. They played darts 24/7 and got me hooked until I was unbeatable. So they let me into their secret society of dart throwers and showed me they're secret. Every Saturday night they reenact the William Tell story but with darts. So one Saturday night I bring a crossbow and win the ceremonial 12-pack of Sunkist. So it just felt natural."

"That wasn't _as_ lame...but still lame. How about you, Yohji."

"That is not my name!!!" Yoji screamed...not quoting.

"Sorry, Youji."

"Close, but yet SO VERY FARRR!"

Aya, a bit annoyed, "YOJI!!! Why did you choose a wire as your weapon?"

"Well, I love the movie Mommy Dearest. 'No more wire hangers!!!' But I hated the mom...and loved wire hangers ever since. But I remember loving how cool that even though a wire is nothing, it still really hurts even when a feeble old woman is the one doing the beating. I figured I could do 110% better!"

"Okay, that made no sense."

All of a sudden there is a knock at he door. Aya walks to it and answers the door. But (who would have guessed it) Farfarello is standing there! GAH!

Farfarello: Hello, you wouldn't happen to have a cup of sugar to spare, would you? spaz

"Um...why are you here?" Aya questioned.

"To tell you that I need sugar...of death!"

"At three in the morning?"

"No! at PAST three in the morning! Farfarello need sugar for blood cake! There will be razor blades in every slice! Those are fun to chew on.! DAMN YOU GOD!!! What was I saying? I like men...to die!"

"Farfarello? Are you gay?"

"No! Never! I'll admit to killing my parents...and plucking out my eye and hiding a knife in my arm...this is true! But gay?"

"Whatever."

"God told you, huh? I'LL KILL YOU GOD!!! GAAAAH!!!"

"So you are gay...I knew it!" yelled Yoji, "Omi, you owe me five bucks!"

"Dang..." cried Omi running around in circles from the caffeine.

Ken stood up and cleared his throat calling out for attention. "What's so wrong with being gay anyway? I mean there are lots of gay people everywhere with normal lives..."

"Like you..." Yoji whispered.

"And Omi..." Aya whispered.

"And Omi..." Omi whispered.

"But they are still normal people that we must respect. Even if some of them are depressed and stuck in they're rooms because they murdered the only man they ever loved in cold blood...whimper Oh CASE! I miss you! Come back to me! Why did you have to die???!!!"

"Farfarello still am needing cup of sugar for cake of death! MUAHAHAAA!" Farfarello said as he licked a knife.

"What's the cake for if I may ask?" Yoji smiled.

"Cake is for Dr. Schouls."

"Dr. Schouls? The foot guy?"

Farfarello stared at him blankly then stabbed himself in the chest and stepped into the room with the ugly couch and that big screen TV in it.

"Farfarello is not leaving...not until he gets his sugar!"

"You want a kiss?" Yoji teased.

"Shut up, Yoji and get Farfarello some sugar!" Aya yelled yet again. Farfarello sat on the ugly couch in that room with the big screen TV in it content and smiling insanly. He played with the knife in his chest while he waited for his sugar. Yoji kicked Omi who was rolling around on the floor and gestured him over to the kitchen for Farfarello's sugar. Yoji sat interestingly close to the psycho on their couch in that room with the big screen TV in it and smiled deeply.

"Sooo, Farf...can I call you Farf...don't answer that. Who's the cake for really?"

"I told you! Dr. Schouls!"

"Rrrright...and this Dr. Schouls is...your boyfriend maybe?"

"What? I told you! I am not gay! God is gay!"

"Well, seems you are in his image then. So, Farf...who is your mystery man?"

"Nobody..."

"Ah, ha!" Yoji exclaimed, "So you admit that there is a mystery man!"

"What?"

"Yoji!" Aya yelled.... "stop cornering Farfarello with your queer talk!"

"Hey, I'm not the one who had a romantic rendez vous with some guy in a businesss suit who folds paper airplanes...God rest his soul."

"There IS no God!" Farfarello jumped up, "Now where is my sugar you... you... Christians!"

"What?!" Yoji gasped, "how could you say that? Christians! What kind of lunatic are you?"

"He's the God hating kind," Omi answered carrying ½ a cup of sugar and bouncing in place.

"Where is the rest of the sugar?" Ken randomly commented as if he was an active member in the scene the whole time.

Omi's eyes darted around the room either in a desperate plea for escape from the sticky situation or from the caffeine. "Um...I...ate it? LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! WHEEEE!!!" He jumped up and spun around in a circle on the floor holding the ½ cup of sugar in his arms.

Yoji clapped his hands for Omi's stupidity and punched Ken in the face gesturing him to get a cup of sugar for Farf's mystery cake. After a few moments, Ken returned with the cup of sugar handing it to Yoji violently. In his other hand was a bowl of ice cream and a spoon. "There's your stinking ssssssugar! Cheers to you and your nnnnnew love! Farfarrrr... Farafausett... Farfar binkssss... Farfellow..."

"Farfarello?" Aya questioned as he poked Ken to see if he would blow up.

"Hey! You don't poke me! Only Case pokes me! But Case is... Case is... Case is dead!!! WHY!!!"

"Because there is no GOD!" Farfarello smiled and stabbed himself in the leg. "Can I have my sugar now?"

"You know what?! I am happy for you! Damn happy! You and your new llll... your new llll.... llllover! Why! Why did I have to be wolverine?!"

"Now you're just talking crazy." Aya sighed. "I'm going upstairs... to 'sleep'... 'wink, wink'."

"Oh," Yoji smiled, "right. Me too! Muahahaaaa."

=='''

Then the telephone rang and Omi popped up to answer it while eating the last of his ½ cup of sugar. Yoji handed the other cup to Farfarello and leaned over to eve's drop on the telephone conversation.

Omi: Hello? This is the Touch Me Please Flower Shop, cover for the secret deadly assassins known as Weiß Kreuz! How may I help you?

'''

Voice on the Line: Hello? That's really stupid of you to blow your cover. Good thing I already knew. Muahahahaa! I can read minds.

Omi: Over the telephone?

Voice: Okay...no...not over the telephone, but in person I can work miracles! Anyway, I called to ask if Farfie was there.

Omi: Who's that and who's speaking?

Voice: Schuldig. Remember me? The German guy with the red hair. Yeah, and Farfie is Farfarello. He ran away earlier today after he found out it was my birthday and we haven't seen him since.

Omi: Oh, that sucks.... (in the background, Yoji wrestles the phone away from Omi)

Yoji: Who is this?

Schuldig: Schuldig.

Yoji: Oh, You wouldn't happen to know a Dr. Schouls would you?

Schuldig: Well, Farfie calls me that sometimes.

Yoji: Awww, young love. (in the background, Aya punches Yoji) OUCH! Yeah...he's here. You can come pick him up if you want.

Schuldig: Fine...but if he starts talking about God, just give him a tennis ball... he'll be out of your hair for hours. Bouncing and stabbing and bouncing and stabbing.

Yoji: Thanks for the tip. See you in a few. (hangs up)

"Well, that was interesting." Yoji smiled as he sat down on the ugly couch in that room with the big screen TV in it.

"Yeah...now there is nothing to do, but to wait." Aya whispered for once.

"And cry." Ken... well, cried.

"And CONGA!" Omi jumped up!

(cue dance music)

END

I don't know if I'll continue this thing...if you want me to then I will! So please review and if you do! I'll read a story of yours! Thank you for getting this far. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	2. Happy Birthday Razor Blades

Up Late and Typing

Chapter Two: Happy Birthday Razor Blades

DISCLAIMER: I own my ass...

Yoji smiled a dumb smile as he took the last drink of his wine glass. "Pass the frosted flakes and pour the wine bitch!" he yelled to Omi who was in the corner typing as usual.

"I'm busy Yoji. You know we have a mission to complete. We all had our fun yesterday, but I've peed all the caffeine out of my system and now it's time to get back to work."

"You know what!" Yoji retorted, standing up (a bit wobbly at first) and punching the wall, "NO! You listen to me. I'm 21 years of age! You are 12!"

"Seventeen."

"You know what! NO! You are twelve...and still a minor! I can buy cheap cigarettes and porn! Porn, OMI! PORN! And wine! I can drink wine!"

"Where are you going with this...?" Omi rolled his eyes. Just then, the door opened and Manx walked down the stairs.

"Where is everyone? You are all just supposed to be here. You know...I say, 'men, you have a new assignment,' and you all watch the movie and then I say..."

"Um, Aya is staring at his dead sister and Ken is crying," answered Omi.

"Crying? About Yuriko?"

Yoji laughed hysterically, "Yuriko! HAAHAHAHA! Never! That's a girls' name! HAHA!"

Manx and Omi rolled their eyes as Yoji feel asleep on the couch like a good drunk man. Ken came running down the stairs as if there were an emergency.

"What's up guys?!"

"Nothing... I just felt like giving orders." Manx frowned.

"We already have a mission anyway, so you can leave...please..." Omi smiled confident that we would one day become a misogynist.

"Fine, I'll leave, but let it be known here and now that I carry the strife of the independent woman upon my humble shoulders!"

"That's nice," Omi smiled and turned back to the computer screen to look up stuff. Manx left leave the three of them there to continue whatever the hell they were doing...in that room...um... you know the rest...

"Hey!" Omi yelled, "The space bar and the 'b' key are stuck! They move, but they are all sticky! We need keyboard cleaner and fast! How are we supposed to stop the Crazy 77 from ripping off anymore good movies...?"

"Quentin never saw it comin'...just like Kase never saw it comin' just before I... I... I..."

"I'm home," Aya interrupted as he hung up his coat and sat on Yoji since he was in the way of that couch in the... blah blah blah.... "What's up? Any leads? Does this have any connection to my sister in anyway? I'm leaving the Weiss."

"What the hell? Aya!" Omi screamed as always, "You can't! You... you've got to save me! Father!"

"Hey?" Yoji roused, "why are you sitting on me...just like her...all those years ago. You know, in this light you look just like Azuka. AZUKA!!!!"

"Everyone, shut up! Unless you're gonna buy some flowers," Aya yelled...again.

Ken just started crying as Omi screamed 'father' and Yoji screamed 'azuka' and Aya rejoined the Weiß. After about five minutes of that and realizing why they all deserved each other for being so... so... pathetic isn't the word... oh, wait, yes it is... they all crowded around the computer.

"So..." Ken started, "We know that the space bar and the 'b' key are shot, but why? And by who?"

"I'm trying to figure it out right now. Damn it... this is hard to type with, it's throwing off my flow..." Omi complained.

"Wait a second! Throwing you off, that's what they must want. But we've been here the whole time, so who ever did this..." Yoji stated just before getting cut off by Aya, who stole his idea.

"...must be able to use some sort of telekinetic powers."

Aya, Omi, Ken: Schwartz!

Yoji: Schreient!

"What? That doesn't even make sense!" yelled Aya.

"I know...but Azuka..."

**SLAP!**

"Ouch!"

They continued with they're investigation of what the hell Schwartz had to do with anything even though they weren't a target.

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(back at Schwartz headquarters somewhere in a different dimension)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SCHULDIG!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

"Aww, thanks guys. And thank you for the blood cake of death, Farfie," Schuldig smiled as he gave a group hug to his fellow psychopaths.

"You should be careful eating that cake," Crawford warned, "remember what happened last year for Überschokinstien?"

"Yes... my poor brother."

(Flashback)

Schuldig: I want you all to treat my brother with the same respect you would give me... on a good day.

Uberschokinstein: Nice to meet you all.

Farfarello: I made cake.

Schuldig: Oh, that's sweet Farfie. Uber, this is Farfarello. Why don't we all dig in, you first brother?

Uber: (digs in to cake with fork)

**BUZZZFFFFZZZZTTZZZZZZSSTTZZZTZZFFFZZZZZTTTT!!!!!**

Schuldig: Uber? Uber?

Crawford: I didn't see that one coming.

Nagi: Damn.

Farfarello: That was pretty... did you see the sparks?

Schuldig: FARFARELLO! What was in that cake?!!!

Farfarello: Spark plugs? Um... sugar?

Schuldig: You fucking killed my brother!

Farfarello: ??? Can I have a tennis ball?

Schuldig: NO! YOU MURDERED MY BROTHER! He's dead! You electrocuted him!

Crawford: Heh... ironic.

Nagi: Very.

Schuldig: What? What's so funny?

Crawford: Well, his name... you know... Uber-schok-in... you know...

Nagi: He was shocked to death... hahaha!

Schuldig: Shut up!

Nagi: Sorry, I was just shocked is all!

Crawford: HAHAHA! If you don't stop it, I'm gonna pee my pants. I can see it now.

Nagi: Oh, how electrifying!

Crawford: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Shit! Stop!

(flashback end)

"Okay...stop laughing now. That was a year ago, can we please move on?" Schuldig scolded, "Now, Farfie, is there anything dangerous in this cake? Everyone isn't like you... people die when they bite into flammable cake...or poison cake..."

"Or electric cake!" Crawford burst out laughing.

"Shut up!"

Farfarello held up his cake and smiled at Schuldig, "It's safe this time... I was going to put some tasty razor blades in it... but decide to keep them to the side instead. Farfie sorry to you."

"Aww, it's okay Farfie... everyone, let's eat!"

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(back with the Weiß boys... at a local 7 Eleven)

"Ok... the space bar and the letter B??? What does it all mean?" Omi cried into a big slurpee.

"No way to know... a B? What could a B have anything to do with us?" though Yoji out loud.

"Maybe, just maybe," Aya started, "it could be... that weird B lookin' thing at the end of the word Weiß."

"But that's actually a weird S."

"So, it looks like a B."

"Hey!," Omi interrupted, "That's an interesting point. But you know what even more interesting?"

All: What?!!

"When ever we are on a mission and someone asks our name. I say, 'I am Weiß' which really means, 'I am white...'" Omi smiled wide due to the sugar intake of the slurpee. WHEE!

"But you wanna know what's even better?" Yoji added.

All: WHAT?!!

"I just saved hundreds of dollars by switching to Geico!"

All: WOW!

"Ok, back to the plan," said Ken, "we go to Schwarz's hideout and do what?"

"Um... we never said that," said Aya, "you are just a dumb ass."

"Well, we've got nothing better to do now. Why not go over there? It might be fun." Yoji smiled and smoked illegally inside of the 7Eleven.

(and so they went)

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BOOM!

Omi: Hey! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!

Aya: We are hunters of the night!

Ken: And we will deny you evil beasts of your blood... I mean tomorrow...s...

Yoji: (uninterested) we are Miami vice!

Aya: Shut up! You dumb ass!

Yoji: Hey are you guys having a party? Are those Doritos? Hey, They got Ritz!

Schuldig: So, you want to join our party Vice?

Aya: Weiß!

Schuldig: That too...

Crawford: There's lots of food.

Omi: Hey! They got DDR! YES!

Nagi: I'm playing it with my MIND! And Farfarello is lighting firecrackers in the backyard.

Yoji: Sniff you jerks later... I'm hangin' out with the fireworks! WHOOOO!

Ken: Thanks you guys! Now Yoji will never come back!

Aya: I bet that was your plan all along Schwarz! I bet you were trying to steal Yoji to somehow get to my sister.

Schuldig: Actually it's my birthday party, but whatever... if you don't want to have fun, then leave...

Ken: But what about Omi's keyboard! Wasn't it you guys who made the space bar and the B key sticky...?

Crawford: First off... it wasn't us... second off... that sound a little dirty, I mean geez... stick keys... were you guys that lonely! HAHA!

Aya: This is serious!

Omi: (playing DDR) Ai-ai-ai! I'm your little butterfly! Yellow, green, and blue, painting flowers in the sky!

Aya: Kill me...

(outside)

Yoji: 5-4-3-2-1!!!

Farfarello: BLAST OFF!

Yoji: YES! That was illegal! WOOO!

(inside)

Schuldig: Listen, we are just trying to have a nice day, could you two take your melodrama's elsewhere?

The two of them go back home, leaving Omi and Yoji to have fun at Schuldig's birthday party.

"What do you think we should do about the keyboard mystery?" asked Ken.

"Maybe it was a ghost?" Aya teased and went up to bed... freakishly early.

'A ghost?' Ken thought... 'could it be the ghost of Kase...his long lost love? Could it be?

KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!!!

END

Thanks for reading! Review and tell me what you think? Any suggestions?

What will happen to Yoji and Omi at the party? Are they in danger? Why is Aya so tired? Who likes fireworks? What's up with the Crazy 77's? What kind of Slurpee did Omi have? Where is the plot? All these answers and less... in the next chapter!


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